pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
being pregnant is like rehab
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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