Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
