Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
