it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Randomize
