Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
