atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
