i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
