Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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