I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
