quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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