my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
