Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
