Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
