I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
