i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
