shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
