I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
