yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
