i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
