does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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