Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
