Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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