Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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