I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
