im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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