we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
