Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
