now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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