you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
