Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
