I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
