I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
