is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There's always time for handjobs
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
