I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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