I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
