the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
