We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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