Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
