we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just high enough for therapy.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
