Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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