marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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