I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
