in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
