the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
