I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
