does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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