Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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