Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
