Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
