I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Drake has all the answers
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
