Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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